When a parent has abandoned his or her child it is important that the child (and everyone else in the family) understand that anyone who abandons a child does so as a result of panic or emotional problems or fear or even the belief that the child will be better off. Sometimes its substance abuse problems that turn people into someone they would not have otherwise been or that lead them to believe their child will be better off with them. Understanding, too, that even if the adults who knew the abandoner saw a horrible, selfish, jerk, when someone is that type of person it is usually the result of something bad in his/her own life; so that needs to be considered, even if it isn't an excuse.